That the abused don't feel abused doesn't mean they aren't being abused. It just means they're rationalizing or denying...
There should be a name for this particular kind of ad hominim fallacy. "Fallacy of the Retreat into the Subconcious", maybe.
Eg "The fact is"---always start with "the fact is..." so that your assertions cannot be doubted---"that they are really very severely traumatized by that violent swat on the rump they got when they were three and trying to punch their mommy, even if they say they're not. They just don't realize it because it's subconscious trauma."
There should be a name for this particular kind of ad hominim fallacy. "Fallacy of the Retreat into the Subconcious", maybe.
Eg "The fact is"---always start with "the fact is..." so that your assertions cannot be doubted---"that they are really very severely traumatized by that violent swat on the rump they got when they were three and trying to punch their mommy, even if they say they're not. They just don't realize it because it's subconscious trauma."